i ain't him

i ain't him lyrics

Verse 1

Sunny out. Hardware store, parking lot, two o'clock.
I'm sitting in the truck with the engine off, AC dead, whatever.
Crib box in the cart. I can't even lift it out.
It's flat-packed, forty pounds, and I'm sitting here like it's a bomb.
My girl's eight months pregnant.
And I'm sure I got my daddy's walk,
my daddy's temper,
and my daddy's habit of disappearing.
I've seen it in the mirror. Seen it in a parking lot window.
That slow roll in the shoulders, like I'm already halfway out.
I slammed a cabinet Tuesday. Just a cabinet.
She didn't say nothing. That's what scared me.
She just looked at it, then looked at me, like she was taking notes.
I was nine when he went for cigarettes.
Not even a good lie. We had cigarettes. I checked.
Mama kept his plate in the oven till it turned to leather.
I'm twenty-six now, working doubles, tryna act like I'm fine.
I got a baby-name list in my notes app and I hid it from myself.
I got a receipt, a cart, a wrench in a bag,
and a lady in a minivan who keeps looking at me like I'm about to cry.
I'm not about to cry.
Okay, maybe a little.
But I got the box to the truck.
The crib I been carrying is the one thing my daddy never built.

Chorus

I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)
I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)
I'll be there when she cries, I'll be there when it's three,
I'll be the one who stays, I swear, I'm tryna, I'm tryna.
I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)

Verse 2

Got it home. Took me an hour to read the pictures.
Part C goes in part D, and I swear they didn't make a part D.
I sat on the floor with a little Allen key,
the thing is shaped like a fishhook and it stripped on me twice.
She stood in the door with her hand on her back, laughing.
I said don't laugh, this is serious.
She said I know. That's why I'm laughing.
And I wanted to run. Just being honest.
I felt it in my legs, that old pull, the front door looking easy.
But I stayed on the carpet with the screws in my mouth.
I put the rail on backwards. Took it off. Put it on right.
It wobbles. It's a little crooked. It's mine.
I called my mama and asked did he ever try.
She was quiet a long time, said, baby, he never once asked.
Well, I'm asking. Who do I ask?
I'm asking the crib. I'm asking the wall.
I'm asking her belly, like, hey, you're gonna get a rough draft.
But I'll show up for the next draft. And the next one.

Chorus

I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)
I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)
I'll be there when she cries, I'll be there when it's three,
I'll be the one who stays, I swear, I'm tryna, I'm tryna.
I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)

Bridge

I don't know if I can keep it.
That's the truth. I don't know.
But I built the thing. It's standing in the room.
That's one more than he did.

Chorus

I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)
I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.
(Say it again)
I ain't him, I ain't him, I'm tryna not be him.

Lyrics © Boulevard. Written for Dorian Price, an AI artist.